It's the Last Inning, Ellen

Three weeks to go.  Fourteen days.

This is the time of year when I attempt to make lists so I won't forget anything.  This is the time of year when I fight the inner battle of self doubt.

Have I done everything I am supposed to do to help every one of my students make progress every day?  Have I continually encouraged the ones who continue to struggle?  Have I consistently thanked the ones who do what I ask the first time?  Have I remembered to challenge all of my students?

I struggle with thinking I'm just not enough.  I keep thinking I need more time and more help.  Both of these are resources that are diminishing daily and will soon run out.  At some point, I have to say, to myself, "Ellen, it's not about you.  It's about your students.  Of course, you're done.  It's time to celebrate another school year completed."

This is the also time of year when God sends me a downpour of reminders that I'm not alone in my journey as lead learner.  He reminds me that He has been with me every step of the way.  He reminds me that He guides all of our learning.

Those reminders for me started coming Friday morning around 9:30am, when a student from my first class of first graders showed up to help.  I had invited her to come for our last Skype with our @Chattothefuture friends in Uganda.  She helped me do some decorating in the hall and helped me get the classroom ready for the Skype.  During the Skype, she took pictures and encouraged my current students to share what they had drawn earlier that day with our friends in Kampala.  Her presence reminded me of how quickly time passes, and how much I need to pay attention to each individual child.  She is an amazing artist and will be a senior in high school in the fall.  When she was in first grade every assignment she turned in was a preview of how God was going to use her artistic talent to make the world a more beautiful place.  Watching her grow in confidence and compassion has been an honor for me.  I am blessed to know her and her family.

About an hour later two more mothers of my current students arrived to help keep the children engaged - especially if we had technical difficulties.  Shortly after my two grade moms from last year arrived and then one of my grade moms from this year arrived.  Six fourth graders came to participate as well.  My assistant principal was also able to catch a few minutes of our cross continents conversation.   Having so much support of my class as we sang and talked with our friends was overwhelming for me.  I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to share with my class this opportunity to serve.  I hope that I have the chance to thank the children in Uganda personally one day.  Their smiles have been bright lights for me in the last two years.  I hope to tell many more teachers about this project at ISTE this summer.  

Saturday morning our school ran in a local 5K sponsored by our YMCA. Our team had about 200 members.  Running has never been on my list of favorite things to do, but I will push my allergic asthmatic self for the sake of our students.  I will admit my lower half still hurts a couple days later, but as my principal reminded me today, it's a good kind of pain.

When I approached the finish line I heard more people than I could count cheering for me.  My friend brought me water and a banana.  Another handed me a fan.  Before I knew it I had found my balance again, and our students were everywhere.  We had the privilege of cheering for a woman who did the entire race in a wheel chair.  Watching her complete the race was inspiring beyond description.  

Saturday afternoon I had the privilege of watching my nephew play baseball.  He grows in confidence and ability every season.  What impresses me most about him is how grateful he is to have his family show up to watch him play.  His gratitude was such a gift, and I enjoyed having the chance to hang out with him on Saturday.  One of the main highlights of our adventures was him working on his somersaults in the pool.

Sunday I found myself at church surrounded by my friends.  They lift me up regardless of how I'm doing.  This small church community has become my home and my family, and I love Sunday's because of them.

I am reminded of one of my favorite Bible verses.  Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength."  I know I'm not the only teacher who feels herself running out of energy, and I know I'm not the only one who struggles with self doubt.  My hope is that if you're reading this, you are encouraged to look for those bright lights in these last few weeks that remind you even when you feel isolated, you are never alone.  Our calling is sacred, and we're indeed all in this together.

We had Field Day today at our school.  I decided to read The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires and have my students create their own most magnificent things.  I hope you have a most magnificent "final inning" to this most magnificent school year.  As always, thank you for lifting me up each and every day and helping me grow as an educator and more importantly as a human being.  

You remind me every day of how blessed I am to be a teacher.

Happy Mother's Day!

Since losing my Mom I have really struggled with Mother's Day.  It has not been a day of peace for me but a day of mourning. I have mourned the loss of my Mom--especially when I was with my niece and nephews.   I have struggled with my dream of being a wife and a mom not being realized.  

But...I'm sure you were sensing there's a but coming...this year is different.  I'll start with Friday.

On Friday I had the privilege of sharing one of my PLN friends with my school for the first time.  Cheryl Fisher came to our school Friday with her guide dog Sanka and her husband Ed and inspired our TK-2 grade students with her stories, her joy, and her faith.  I'm still floating from the experience, and I hope many more teachers are able to have this same experience with their class.  The expressions on their faces and their attentiveness during her talks were priceless gifts.  Those of us who have taught for any length of time know what an amazing accomplishment that is in the month of May:)

On Saturday I had the privilege of attending Mass to see many of my students from last year receive their first Holy Communion.  These Masses always remind me of how blessed I am to be able to share my faith with my students.  Watching these children make their public commitment to Christ inspires me.  I am grateful that I am able to share how Jesus has helped me with challenges I've faced and the loss of loved ones in my life.  When I made the decision to financially risk going back to school to switching careers the one thing I was certain of was that God wanted me in a faith based school.  My Mom was one of the few people who understood my certainty.  Yesterday I was reminded of why I listened to that still small Voice.

Today I am looking forward to worshipping with my small but strong church family.  I can't explain the peace I feel this morning as anything other than His perfect peace.  Last Sunday I officially became a member, and it felt like I was finally home.  Since losing my Mom I think I had felt I was spiritually homeless.  Since discovering my church, my village, I am finally home.  

Imagining what my Mom would say to me today:

"Ellen, enjoy this beautiful day.  My love for you is still with you.  Hug your brother and my grandkids for me.  Work hard till your principal tells you this school year is complete, savor your summer, and celebrate the small miracles you are given each day.  You are more blessed than you can see, expect the unexpected, and remember Honey, with God all things are possible!"

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you!

P.S.  The first photo is of my Mom as a child at the Jersey shore.