Happy Mother's Day!

Since losing my Mom I have really struggled with Mother's Day.  It has not been a day of peace for me but a day of mourning. I have mourned the loss of my Mom--especially when I was with my niece and nephews.   I have struggled with my dream of being a wife and a mom not being realized.  

But...I'm sure you were sensing there's a but coming...this year is different.  I'll start with Friday.

On Friday I had the privilege of sharing one of my PLN friends with my school for the first time.  Cheryl Fisher came to our school Friday with her guide dog Sanka and her husband Ed and inspired our TK-2 grade students with her stories, her joy, and her faith.  I'm still floating from the experience, and I hope many more teachers are able to have this same experience with their class.  The expressions on their faces and their attentiveness during her talks were priceless gifts.  Those of us who have taught for any length of time know what an amazing accomplishment that is in the month of May:)

On Saturday I had the privilege of attending Mass to see many of my students from last year receive their first Holy Communion.  These Masses always remind me of how blessed I am to be able to share my faith with my students.  Watching these children make their public commitment to Christ inspires me.  I am grateful that I am able to share how Jesus has helped me with challenges I've faced and the loss of loved ones in my life.  When I made the decision to financially risk going back to school to switching careers the one thing I was certain of was that God wanted me in a faith based school.  My Mom was one of the few people who understood my certainty.  Yesterday I was reminded of why I listened to that still small Voice.

Today I am looking forward to worshipping with my small but strong church family.  I can't explain the peace I feel this morning as anything other than His perfect peace.  Last Sunday I officially became a member, and it felt like I was finally home.  Since losing my Mom I think I had felt I was spiritually homeless.  Since discovering my church, my village, I am finally home.  

Imagining what my Mom would say to me today:

"Ellen, enjoy this beautiful day.  My love for you is still with you.  Hug your brother and my grandkids for me.  Work hard till your principal tells you this school year is complete, savor your summer, and celebrate the small miracles you are given each day.  You are more blessed than you can see, expect the unexpected, and remember Honey, with God all things are possible!"

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you!

P.S.  The first photo is of my Mom as a child at the Jersey shore.  

Faith Tested

Have you ever woke up to news that shook you to your core?  News so tragic you couldn't process it. News so sad you couldn't stop crying.  News you never expected to happen, let alone happen to someone you know.

That happened to me today.  Before I was a preschool teacher and before I was a first grade teacher, I worked with college students in student activities and residence life.  Many of these students have found me on Facebook, and I love hearing their news when I scroll through my newsfeed.  Because teaching took me away from Pennsylvania, physically keeping up with these students has become more and more difficult over the years.  Since discovering the positive power of my PLN on Twitter, I find myself checking Facebook less and less.  This morning when I saw a close friend had posted in a closed group we both belonged to curiosity got me to check.  When I read what he posted I was shocked and saddened beyond description.

One of my former students Stephen died last night, along with his wife Angela and their 3 children, when their house caught on fire.  I can't recall one conversation I had with Stephen, but I remember he was a great kid.  I remember him wishing me happy birthday in recent years on my Facebook wall and smiling big when pictures of his family showed up in my newsfeed.  I had to know more about this family. 

What I saw posted in the last week by Stephen and Angela was beautiful, breath taking, faith filled. I was inspired by Angela's post regarding their son's autism. One of their daughter's had survived a serious illness, and they had lost a baby girl named Faith.  Every post was genuine, honest and filled with love.  These parents were celebrating life's little miracles like their kids getting 100% on a test at school.  They were grateful for the chance to have fun with their children playing in the yard.  You could tell this family was getting it right.  They were living their faith and celebrating the joy of each day they had together.  What struck me most was that they weren't complaining about their struggles.  They were celebrating the blessing of being a family.

Angela had posted two graphics in the last week which caused me great pause.

These images caused me to cry uncontrollably.  I couldn't see how this tragedy could be part of a good plan.  As today has unfolded I have realized what I should be focused on is their faith.  It's the kind of faith I pray for every day.  Faith that leads me to live each day God gives me with the certainty of His love and that I will share His love with those I cross paths with daily.  No one knows when they will be called or how.   I am choosing to focus on their faith.  This family shared Christ's love every day.  

My prayer for the remainder of this school year is that every word and thought I have reflects Christ's love.  Especially when I am the most exhausted from the end of the year frenzy every teacher faces, I pray that I remember this sweet family and choose to trust, to have faith, and to celebrate joy.  My thoughts and prayers are with their family and friends.  

Dear Ryan Howard,

I knew the first time I went to Spring Training that I would always cheer for you.  I watched you handle all fans, especially the overzealous ones, with great grace and patience.  I wondered about the countless hours of hard work that had brought you to that moment.  The player I saw that day knew he was blessed to play baseball.  The person I saw that day made a permanent positive impression on this lifelong Phillies fan.

My first graders and I have been enjoying reading your Little Rhino series.  We are in the middle of Book 2, and they comment every time we read about Dylan.  They really want the two of you to end up friends.  You and your wife have done such a wonderful job writing these books.  I hope you have plans to add to the series because my students absolutely love them.  It has been such a treat for me to share a children's book series that incorporates my love of baseball and even more my love of my Phillies. 

This is one of the toughest times of the year for teachers.  It's the little things that keep you going, and for me sharing your story has been a bright light amidst all that we have to do during this last quarter.  When a large envelope shows up from a Catholic School in North Carolina for you at Citizen's Bank Park, you'll know it's from my students.

Thank you again for telling your story.  Go Phillies!

Your friend,

Ellen

Hope Leads to Joy

                                            

It took 10 minutes, several attempts to troubleshoot, and then an idea popped into my head.  "Right click on the yellow lines, Ellen."  I don't know how it happened, but my laptop speaker settings had been switched, and we weren't able to hear the kids. Right clicking on the yellow lines allowed us to not only wave at our friends in Uganda, but we were now able to hear them.  Worrying about our Skype connection had done me no good.  Listening to the still small voice in my head opened our communication lines.

We had 20 joy filled minutes of questions and answers, sharing art work, and laughter.  The highlight of our conversation was getting to see our friends' chickens.  The sight and sound of chickens clucking on another continent brought us all closer together.  Our service efforts took on a whole new meaning.  Now when my students are doing extra chores at home they are working to help their friends.  Our service project went from being an idea to being a friendship.  Each time I experience these Skypes with my students, I am moved at how this technology provides my students opportunities they never would have had before.

I'm excited to see what joy our next 2 Skypes will bring.  This remains the most important connection God has given me as a result of my PLN.  I can think of no better way to teach my students about the continent of Africa then to give them the means to make friends with these children.  If you are interested in learning more about this service opportunity, please go to www.chattothefuture.ca.  You can also follow @ChattotheFuture on Twitter.

Let's Take a Walk....

I'm currently reading a book my friend and colleague Betsy recommended.  Walk in Their Shoes by Jim Ziolkowski has me on the edge of my seat and pondering many things.  Ziolkowski mentions several times that Jesus said "Fear is useless, what is needed is trust."  (Luke 8:50/Mark 5:36) I'm only halfway through the book, but the verse has been a refrain in my head since I started reading.

I lost my Dad to bone cancer at age 19.  My Dad was 60 when he passed away.  Up until his diagnosis, I think my biggest fears were probably roller coasters and escalators.  I dreamed as a child of being a wife and a mom.  If you had asked me between ages 7-15 what I would be when I grew up I would have said confidently "I'm going to be a wife, a mother, and a writer." I never dreamed my Dad wouldn't see me become an adult.  

But in one month's time during my 16th summer, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, his father passed away, and his mother had a colostomy.  This was the first time I felt my need for God.  I remember feeling moments of unexplainable peace.  The night the hospital called my Mom to say it wouldn't be long, I didn't believe it was Dad's time.  I felt unexplainable peace as we rode to the hospital.  I had tried all semester to get a ride home from college to see my Dad.  When the opportunity to come home came, I saw that as a miracle.  I couldn't imagine that I was coming home to say good bye to my Dad.

As my 20s passed into my 30s, my biggest fear became wondering if God would call my Mom before I was a wife and a mother.  What would I do if I had to face her death alone? I couldn't imagine my life without both of my parents and no family of my own.  Surely that wouldn't be God's will.

Early May 2003, my Mom and I were enjoying a sunny Sunday afternoon on her patio. Several male cardinals were circling between bushes in her backyard.  We discussed Mom's belief that God used cardinals to show my Mom that my Dad was still really close to her.  Mom believed this was how God showed her that their love didn't die with my Dad.  As we talked, I asked her if she could tell me what our signal would be when she passed.  I didn't want to be morbid, but I thought it would help me to know so I wouldn't have any doubts when God did call her home.  

I'll never forget my Mom's response.  "Honey, trust me.  When the time comes, you'll know."  

Little did I know that 6 weeks later, a week that started with rainbows, literal rainbows, would be the week I would find out.  Rainbows would be God's way of reassuring me that my Mom's love for me didn't die with her.  Mom passed away on June 10, 2003.  I was now living with my worst fear realized.

The weeks and months that followed my Mom's passing are a blur to me now.  I was never without help and support when I needed it.  Two of my friends, Shirley and Jill, had both lost their mothers at the same age I was when my Mom passed.  Shirley and Jill helped me throughout the process of cleaning out my Mom's townhouse and were with me on the day I turned in her keys.  Family members came when they could, and friends were there when I needed more hands and to give me support throughout the process.  I had never thought when I gave my Mom gifts that one day I would have to decide what to do with those gifts.  

Fast forward 13 years, and I am still doing my best to channel my inner Mary Tyler Moore and hold on to the confidence that I too am "gonna make it after all."  I have Hope and believe that God has beautiful things in store for me.  When my fears seem to overshadow that Hope, I pray harder.  I seek good counsel, and I ask for help when I need it.  One remarkable consequence of my not quite 2 years on Twitter is the growing trust I have in myself and my talents.  I see failure as reality PD.  If a lesson doesn't go well, I know God will use it to show me a much more effective way to teach that content. I trust that I'm not alone in my efforts to help my students.  I trust that there will always be people to help me guide my students as they learn and make progress every day.  

I have learned that fear really is useless.  Trust is what is necessary.  Thankfully, that's a tool that does not depend on the strength of my wifi connection:)

Getting Ready...

We were so ready.  My students had drawn pictures of their favorite part of our presentation on Africa yesterday.  We had written questions to ask our friends at CHAT House in Uganda.  I had charged both my camera batteries and cleared my phone.  I was pacing the floor in excited anticipation of our Skype session.  I had tweeted first thing this morning about how excited I was for my students to meet our friends in Uganda for the first time.  I had prayed we would have no technical difficulties.  When our principal walked in you could only hear the sound of the kids breathing and their papers rattling.

But through reasons none of us could explain, our call failed and we weren't able to talk with them today.  In hopeful anticipation of our technical difficulties being resolved by next Wednesday when we try again to Skype with our friends, I decided to post what I wrote on the evening of our first Skype last year with our CHAT House friends.  

I am excited that my students still have 3 Skypes with these children to look forward to.  Hope you all had a wonderful Wednesday!

"Let us greet each other with a smile, for a smile is the beginning of love." Mother Teresa

Today I had a small taste of what Mother Teresa was talking about.  Seeing the smiles of the CHAT House children, hearing their answers to our questions, and seeing their joy in action was life changing for me.  I am reminded of why I became a teacher.  I want every child to have the same hope my parents gave me by telling me the story of the Gospel.  Jesus has walked with me every step of my life, and I want all children to have that Gift.  Hope that only Christ can give.

I know as my first graders get to know these children better, they will see how Jesus' Love for all of us connects us.  They will see that His Love for us is the only thing that matters.  

For more information on this amazing ministry organization, please visit www.chattothefuture.ca.

Ellen Deem

February 6, 2015

Ride Your Bike, Ellen...

I didn't learn how to ride my bike until I was 9 years old.  I was terrified to get on my forest green Schwinn with it's sparkly silver banana seat and lunge myself forward.  No amount of coaching was going to convince me that attempting to ride that shaky form of transportation was a good idea.  

If it wasn't coaching or encouragement from my parents, what was it that finally got to me overcome my fear of two-wheelers you ask?  It was the sight of my 7 year old brother enjoying himself while riding my bike.  When I saw him having a grand time on MY bike, I was livid.  I got on my bike, rode across our yard, rode down our neighbor's driveway, and ran right into the mail boxes at the bottom of that driveway.  When I close my eyes I can still recall the goose egg that first ride gave me.

This memory makes me question something that has been bugging me about teaching for quite awhile.  If all children don't learn to ride a bike at the same age, why do we expect all children to read at the same rate and at the same level when they are in the same grade?  Why are we not focusing on helping each child make growth every day?  Some days I daydream of teaching in a classroom that is similar to the learning I do with my PLN.  I'm not chatting, tweeting, reading, or Skyping for credit, or a grade.  I'm not doing these things to reach a certain benchmark.  I'm doing these things because I know they will make me a better teacher which will result in my students becoming better learners.  At the end of the day, I want my students to feel proud of their accomplishments and more determined to face their fears.  I want my students to help each other to solve problems and to encourage each other to keep trying regardless of the obstacles they encounter.

I want them to know it's okay if they aren't ready to ride a bike until their 9th birthday.