Keep Dreaming, Ellen...

When I was in first grade I remember we made ceramic Christmas ornaments as a family.  I loved painting my Christmas tree ornament.  What I didn't know at the time was how much my parents were struggling financially.  I don't remember what I asked Santa for that year.  I do remember how much fun we had creating those family treasures.

Christmas is a time of reflection for me, and it can be difficult because of the losses I've experienced and the dreams I haven't realized yet.   Note I said yet.  

One tradition I started after my Mom passed away was I watch as many Hallmark Christmas movies as I can.  These happy predictable stories have helped me to stay positive and to deal with my grief.  They are exactly the kind of movies we would have enjoyed together on a Sunday afternoon.  When I'm watching these movies I am reminded of the time we spent enjoying each other's presence and the positive power of a happy ending.  I often joke that I don't need to watch reality tv because my life has enough reality in it already.  When I watch tv it's because I need a happy ending.  I need to be encouraged.  Hallmark movies remind me of how much my parents loved me and believed in me.  Some days I am better at staying positive than others.  Some days I wonder why I've achieved more of my professional dreams than my personal ones.  Some days I have more questions than answers.  

Christmas morning I was watching one of these Hallmark movies.  The female lead was talking to Santa about her future.  Santa told her she had all the answers already. The female lead told Santa that all she had so far were lots of questions.  When I heard this line I laughed.  Boy did I howl.  I could so relate to her questions, and in that moment I realized I was having a personal epiphany.

Teaching was not part of my childhood dreams.  When people ask me how I found out about the job I currently have I always reply that it is the best detour God ever put me on.  Every time I've started a job search, the job I have ended up getting was never even in the mix when I started.  When I was in college, I thought I would end up working in advertising or publishing.  I wanted to write.  Yet here I am in my eleventh year of teaching first grade, and I can't imagine not being connected to education.  It feels like my calling found me.  God had an even better dream for me than I ever could have imagined. I never know when He is going to surprise me.  

These personal dreams I haven't realized yet keep me connected to others, keep me actively learning, and keep me seeking.  If I had planned my career path based on my college goals and not listened to that still small voice, I would have missed out on the joy of watching young children discover their own gifts.  I would have missed out on the miracle of seeing a child read with understanding for the first time.  I would have missed out on watching the joy first graders create when they make stuff together.  Just as God had an even bigger dream for me professionally than I imagined,  of course He has an even bigger dream for me personally.  I struggle when I forget to listen for His counsel and when I mistakenly think I can plan everything.

This past summer God used one of my favorite Phillies, Justin De Fratus,  to remind me to put my personal dreams in perspective.  Not knowing my story, Justin suggested I read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.  This book helped me on so many levels.  It helped me to see myself the way God sees me.  As an educator I often make the mistake of dwelling on all the things I need to improve and forget to celebrate my gifts.  

We all need to choose to have a half full glass every day.

If I achieved every dream I would have no reason to seek God's counsel or read His Word.  My questions and dreams encourage me to discuss my faith with others.  My questions and dreams fuel my love of learning and make me a better teacher.  My questions and dreams draw me closer to God.  I'm good with having more questions than answers now.  My future is (and always has been) in His hands.

Keep dreaming, Ellen...

My Donny and Marie Christmas...

One of my most vivid Christmas memories is of the year I asked Santa for Donny and Marie's Make the World Go Away record.  I was so excited when I opened that package and saw my favorite singers smiling at me on the cover.  My joy was short lived when we put the record on my parent's stereo and discovered the elves had made an error.  Instead of putting Donny and Marie in the record cover, they had put in a recording by Lou Rawls.  I cried.  Boy did I cry.  Then amazingly, within a few days, the elves had fixed their error, and I was finally able to listen to my favorite singers.  I didn't find this funny at the time, but now it makes me smile.  I really should have told Donny Osmond this story years later when I met him after one of his concerts.  As I write this I am contemplating searching for Lou Rawls in my Prime Music library.  I have a feeling I have been missing out on some great music because of this experience:)

Christmas also reminds me of my Mom and her love of music.  She sang solos in church, and she loved being part of our church choir.  It was a big deal when we were old enough to sing with the grown ups on Christmas Eve.  Fred Waring made this amazing arrangement of O Holy Night.  When I close my eyes I see lots of candlelight reflecting off our maroon choir robes, and I can hear our part, my favorite part, "Noel, Noel."  To this day, O Holy Night is my favorite carol,  and the sound of it always brings me happy tears.  One of my Mom's last Christmases she surprised me with Fred Waring's recording of O Holy Night.  We both cried as we reflected on that cherished Christmas tradition.  

Now if I need to remember my Donny and Marie days I could turn to YouTube.  If I need to hear O Holy Night, I can put on my Fred Waring cd.  However, I prefer to close my eyes and remember how much my parents loved me, how fortunate I am to be called to teach and how blessed I am with wonderful friends.  

My prayer for all of my teacher friends is that this break recharges you, reminds you of your own Donny and Marie moments and that His perfect peace surrounds you.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Safe Places

Safe Places.  As I was driving to church this morning I was reflecting on where I feel the most safe.  Where can I truly be me?  Where can I go to recharge?  Where am I most comfortable sharing my gifts, and where can I acknowledge my brokenness?

For years I thought the answer to growing closer to God was a large church.  Attending a large church would offer me more opportunities to meet people and more opportunities to study the Bible and serve.  Last June God showed me that He wanted me to follow His lead, not mine.  His lead took me to a small church.  When my friends ask me to describe my church I say, "It's like a large small group.  They're my extended family.  It's my safe place."

Today's message reminded me of how much God knows my needs better than I do.  The text came from 1 Peter 2 and the big idea was "Don't let your circumstances cause you to forget Who rescued you."  Last week's big idea was "Hope does not deny the struggle but Hope gives you the ability to see beyond the struggle."  I can't stop thinking about how much these two messages apply to teaching.  Whether a student faces an academic or social challenge, my prayer is that my actions will reflect that Hope.  I pray daily that every activity, project, and assignment I give results in growth and progress for all of my students.  

This past May I went to Montreat, North Carolina, with some of the women from my church and our sister church.  When the opportunity to climb a mountain presented itself, I decided I wanted to try.  Even though I knew it would be hard with my asthma and allergies, I really wanted to share in this adventure with my friends.  Early in our hike I realized I was going to have a very difficult time keeping up with them.  Before I could even contemplate having a pity party for myself, these ladies made the decision to have me be first up the mountain.  They let me set the pace.  When I needed to catch my breath they all rested with me.  When I sat down on the top of Lookout Mountain I literally understood what "breath taking" means.  I was just as much in awe of the view as I was in awe of the people God placed in my life to make sure I got to the top.  God used these women to give me Hope that day.  They helped me to see beyond the mountain that at first seemed insurmountable.  They showed me how much I am loved by God.

My hope and prayer for this school year is that I encourage my first graders to do the same for each other.  I see a mountain climbing activity idea in our future:)

Put Your Bags Down, Ellen

Everywhere I went this past week, the one central theme seemed to be time.  We all needed more time.  More time to grade papers, more time to read with our students, more time to create with our students, more time with our families and friends, more time to rest, more time to help, more time to grow, more time to do.  I knew my schedule was going to be even more packed than usual, but I tried to approach it in pieces.  As the week progressed I felt like my teaching bags were getting heavier despite the amount of time I was working after school.

I like to think I am continually growing as an educator, but I questioned myself a lot this week about my time management.  How do I get better at managing my time?  Not my students' time, but my time.

The answer I got after praying and contemplating was two fold.  Listen More was the first part.  I had the privilege of helping another teacher get started on Twitter over dinner this week.  For the first time in over ten years of teaching with her, I began to understand the challenges she faces. Despite having limited free time and a very long to do list, she chose to make time to learn something new.  In the hour we spent together I developed a new appreciation for her strength and her faith. This conversation never would have taken place at school.  As a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a friend, she knows she has been richly blessed.  Her struggles don't discount her blessings.  Her priorities showed me that I had forgotten making time for people should always be first on my schedule.  I gained more from my hour with her then any of the time I spent grading, planning or organizing this week.

As teachers, I think it's easy to lose sight of our relationships when our tasks seem to multiply so rapidly.  Technology can help with those tasks, but it can't reaffirm you when you're discouraged, hug you when you're exhausted, or congratulate you when you've reached a goal or solved a problem.

I finished reading one of the most rewarding and challenging education books I have ever read this week. It took me almost a year of picking it up and putting it down to really dig into this book and it's powerful message.  During the course of reading it I had to admit I needed help in understanding it. My struggle to understand gave me empathy for my students who find everything they read a challenge.  I was fortunate to have help from the teacher who wrote it, and the short time he spent with me on the phone greatly increased my understanding of the material.  He took the time to listen to my questions and patiently explained his message.  He set aside his to do list to help me.

Most people I know would ask me why it was so important to me to finish something I was struggling to read.  My mom used to tease me that I thought of books as friends, and I saw finishing them as my way of nourishing that friendship.  Many friends will joke with me when visiting my apartment that I live in a library.  Even though I struggled with some of the educational language and terminology in this book, I could tell from the beginning I was going to be a better teacher when I completed it.  The closer I got to the end the more excited I became. If I hadn't made the time to struggle and grow I would have missed out on this book's amazing message.

At this point, you are probably wondering what the title of the book is.  I am saving that for another blog post:)

Now to the second part of my answer.  Last night I was blessed by another friend making time to listen.  She constantly reminds me to be me, and let go of all the extra stuff.  She reminds me of the truth of the Serenity Prayer.  "Focus on what you CAN DO, Ellen.  Let go of the rest."  I paraphrased letting go as putting my bags down. "Put your bags down, Ellen."

Tonight, I am putting my bags down.  I'm letting go of every challenge and concern and choosing to rest.  I am enjoying listening to my Phillies play the Nationals, and tomorrow morning I will enjoy watching a couple former students play soccer before I go swim.

 I leave you with two things.  One of my all time favorite Bible verses...

and one of my favorite songs...

My prayer for all of you is that you find more time to put down your bags.

Listen to the Music, Ellen...

It all started with a song.  My affection for Canada geese is the fault of two friends from Montana who make musical masterpieces.

When I first heard Chris Cunningham and Johnny Hermanson sing Steady On, I knew I was experiencing something special.  I knew I would always remember this song.  For me this song paints a breathtaking portrait.  Their description of Canada geese speaks to the teacher in me.  Every time I see a gaggle, I hear this song in my head.  I stare in awe.  I stop every time I see geese regardless of what I am doing or where I am heading. My destination takes a back seat to my journey when I hear their honking.

Some of my friends don't understand my fascination with geese.  They only see the mess geese create.  They don't see the beauty of teamwork or hear the music of collaboration I experience every time I see that uppercase V glide across the sky.  

Every May new families of geese spend time at our school.  I always seem to run into these family processions at just the right time.  Those moments when I need to be reminded that I'm not alone, that I'm part of a team, and that it's all about the children I teach and not about the to do list I'm reviewing in my head.  This year I have been blessed with geese encounters well into our new school year.

It's not lost on me that my first graders constantly remind me of the beauty and strength of that V formation.  They are my gaggle.  They give me strength every day to keep flying and remind me to stop and stare in awe.  My first graders remind me daily to make time to dance.  They remind me to make time to listen to the music.  My first graders remind me of the importance of our journey.  My first graders remind me daily to be grateful to our Creator.

How did I spend my Labor Day?  Listening to my niece and nephew make music:)

Do yourself a favor and search Storyhill on YouTube.  Chris and Johnny have many more musical treasures there just waiting for you to discover them.

The Night Before the First Day of School

My to do list used to be the thing I feared most in August.  I used to worry about forgetting all sorts of minute details.  This year I'm not super focused on those details.  This year is remarkably different.

I have never felt this much peace before the start of a school year.

Tonight as I reflect on my previous school year, I know my PLN (Professional Learning Network) is a big reason why I feel such peace.  They helped me rise to challenges, and they gave my students the opportunity to connect globally.  Most of these educators I have never met, but they know me well.  They know I want to continue to have a more student led classroom.   They know I want to help each student learn at his or her own pace.  They know I have a big heart and a passion for reaching every student.  They know I want my students to love learning, to explore their passions, and to develop their gifts.  They know I want my students to be good listeners and to continue to be globally connected.  Most importantly, they know I want my students to have fun in school.

Every day I seem to encounter a new concept or idea thanks to my PLN.  When I don't understand that idea my PLN points me to resources that will deepen my understanding of that concept.  Podcasts weren't part of my life last summer, and now they are part of my daily routine.  The number of books on my Kindle app has multiplied rapidly since last summer because of my PLN's recommendations.  My PLN has helped me rediscover my love of learning.  My PLN has taught me to trust my students.

What did I learn from my students last year?

My students taught me to listen, to really listen.  They also taught me to let go.  When I let go of the idea that I had to set the pace for every activity we did, my students created masterpieces.  My students learned to listen and to collaborate while building with Legos.  My students learned to trust their imagination while they wrote their secret missions. They showed me they were capable of so much more than I envisioned.  They showed me possibilities I never pictured while writing my lesson plans.

I am excited to see what seeds this year's class will plant to help me grow as an educator.  

If you haven't figured out what my second one little word for 2015 is, it's LISTEN.  If I continue to focus on improving my listening skills, I will continue to grow as a teacher.  I will continue to grow as a lead learner.

Special thanks to my Twitter friends @ShiftParadigm and @Ranal55 for their photographic inspiration.  Their efforts show me the infinite positive possibilities created by simple acts of kindness.

Questions...

Why are we all in a hurry?  Just because we can communicate in an instant does that mean we always should?  Do we think before we speak?  Do we realize the power of our words and the impact of them?

These are just some of the of the questions I have been reflecting on this summer.  I can't claim  that I have come up with any earth shattering answers.  What I did notice is for the first time in eleven summers, when my principal's summer newsletter arrived, I didn't have my usual bittersweet response.  I didn't start to mourn the end of my summer break.  Instead, I thought how grateful I am to be a teacher.  

What's different?  I have connected with more educators than I can list.  My iPad beeps every day with notifications.  Those notifications are a tangible reminder that these educators, my PLN, are pulling for me.  These educators understand the challenges I face on a daily basis.   These educators ask themselves how are we going to put the fun back into education.  These educators have also wondered why it's so hard to teach children to read, write, add, and make a positive difference in this world.

When I am discouraged, one teacher reminds me that I am stronger than I know.  When I am feeling lost, another teacher reminds me that I've got this and that I'm a lioness.  When I can't find the answer I am searching for, another teacher listens, ATTENTIVELY.  Note I said attentively.  When I don't know how to respond to someone who disagrees with me, another educator makes me laugh and helps me to respond with kindness and respect.

This past January many educators were choosing one little word.  One word to focus on to affect positive change.  I chose hope.  Rather hope chose me.  Because of these remarkable edu heroes who lift me up every day, I have hope.  They remind me of the One True Hope, my Heavenly Father, who created me to teach.

Today I am thinking I would like a second little word for 2015.  I plan to carry this one with me continuously.  Have you figured out what that word is?  

One of my first grade girls this past year said to me "But Miss Deem, I thought teachers had all the answers."  Because I am blessed to teach in a Catholic school, I was grateful I didn't have to filter my response.  My answer to her was, "I don't have all the answers, but I will do everything I can to help you find the answers you are looking for.  Only God has all the answers."

That second little word for 2015...I promise to reveal it the next time we connect.  Thank you all for encouraging me to be me, my best me, and for the laughter, wisdom, strategies, and truth you share with me daily.

Special thanks to my friend @ShiftParadigm for the photographic inspiration.

ISTE 2015

One of my favorite things is when I discover a book, movie, or song that has existed for years, but I was unaware of it until the exact moment I needed it.  I remember the first time I heard Laura Story's song Blessings.  I cried.  I couldn't believe I had never heard her sing before that moment.  On a recent long car trip, I heard that song again several times.  During the school year I forget how driving long distances can provide great opportunities for reflection.  Listening to her song multiple times helped me see why having the chance to attend ISTE this year had blessed me more than I could adequately describe.

Those who know me well know that I have a big heart and that I have faced many challenges in my life, especially in recent years.  At times I have wondered when circumstances would improve.  I recently heard my pastor preach a sermon which left me with this thought, "If we had all the answers to our questions, we would have no reason to talk to each other.  We would have no reason to seek the truth." 

In the midst of recent challenges in teaching, I have discovered tremendous support and encouragement from an unlikely place.  This time last summer I would never have believed that my iPad could be the door to countless educators who were experiencing so many of the same challenges and frustrations.  Beyond the four walls of my classroom there were more teachers than I could imagine who felt the same way I did.  These educators wanted better for their students.  These educators wanted school to be fun for their students.  These educators wanted learning to be meaningful and life changing for every one of their students.  These educators knew this would require a whole new way of lesson planning. 

I knew that attending the ISTE conference in Philadelphia would give me an opportunity to connect in person with so many of these people who had been my cheering section during the school year.  Because of the generosity of my school's Dads' Club and my class parents, I was going to have the opportunity to go.  I knew the ISTE schedule would be overwhelming at times.  Having the opportunity to meet with teachers I had been communicating with all year through Twitter made my travel nerves and getting up at 4am more than worth it.  Like a new first grader on the first day of school staring at the door to my new classroom,  I stood at ISTE Central  unsure of where to begin.

Then my phone rang.  It was my friend Stacey.  Even though we had never met, we had tweeted more times than either of us could number.  When Stacey found me it was like reconnecting with an old friend.  We decided to head across the street for lunch at Reading Market.  We had a delicious, worthy of Thanksgiving Day, turkey lunch and then headed back to the Convention Center.  While Stacey and I were sitting in the auditorium waiting for the first keynote speaker to begin, the first of many unexpected miracles happened.  Just as Stacey and I were discussing who of our Breakfast Club friends were at the conference, Stacey said to me,  "Ryan is here."  Before we could process our excitement at the chance to meet our educator friend from Ghana, a man in front of us turned around and said, "Hi, I'm Ryan."  And so it began.

Before we left the opening keynote, Stacey, Ryan, and I had connected with at least 6 more of our friends from the #bfc530 spark chat.  Two of those women, Natalie and Diana, along with Stacey, spent the rest of the conference making sure I knew where I needed to be, and I never ate alone.  (True confessions, I have a horrible sense of direction.  How I lived most of my life without a GPS I have no idea:) 

In a sea of 17,000 teachers, I had good friends who looked out for me.  It was not lost on any of us how genuine and natural these initial face to face connections were.  As the conference progressed, I ran into friends from Lebanon, Australia, Ireland, Venezuela, and all over the U.S.  I don't know why it didn't occur to me until this trip, this conference, this experience, that the greatest resources I have available to me aren't tech tools.  The greatest resources we all have are the educators we connect with using those tech tools.

Now you may be wondering where does Laura Story fit into this experience.  Her lyric, "What if the trials of this life, were your mercies in disguise?"  summed it up.  Every challenge motivated me to reach outside my classroom.  Every unanswered question I had motivated me to ask more questions.  Before I knew it my PLN was growing leaps and bounds, and I was growing, too.  I wasn't sure what I had to offer in the beginning.   Now I know I just had to be my best me.  We all have something to give.  Sharing those gifts with each other fills our classrooms with blessings and is what makes teaching such "phun."