Determined Dottie...

This morning I woke up to discover my friend had a new blog post.  This educator friend, who I've never been in the same room with, has made a big difference in my role as a lead learner in the last two years.  He has encouraged me to stretch, to explore new territory, to grow, to question, and most importantly to learn to embrace being uncomfortable.  Every day I wonder if my best efforts are enough.  But this friend is just one of a growing tribe who remind me daily it's not about you or me or we; it's about our students.  We are a team working together for one goal...every child will make remarkable progress while learning every day.

His latest post was about connecting the dots.  I won't try to paraphrase what he did a great job describing.  Here is a link to that post https://shiftparadigm2011.wordpress.com/.  Make sure you take a tour of his blog while you are there.  You'll be glad you did.

When I reflect on my elementary and secondary years certain teachers stand out.  I remember I wanted more than anything to have handwriting like my 4th and 5th grade teacher Mrs. Aquaviva.  I remember Mrs. Loomis because I knew she loved us.  The only two things I can see vividly in my memory regarding my first grade year with her were the monarch butterflies we raised, and her smile.  I remember how much my principal in middle school Mr. Kosinski made me laugh, and how much he believed in me.  I remember Mr. Steinbrenner working extra hard to help me understand algebra, and I remember Mr. Wilharm for his patience.  In high school my music teacher and choir director Mrs. Weaver showed me how music can inspire and encourage and uplift us.  I stand taller today because of my time with her.  I also remember the energy of Mr. Eichert, my high school biology teacher.  He made me excited about fruit flies.  You read that right...fruit flies.

I also recall coming home from kindergarten being very upset because I couldn't find a quiet place to color.  On a different day in kindergarten I recall being very upset with my teacher because she told me there was no way my parents were 12 and 14 years old.  I told her there was no way my parents would have lied to me.  I can laugh now about my parents' wisdom in not telling me their real ages when I was 5, but the memory of being a frustrated coloring student sticks with me.  I also recall being very upset when in 4th or 5th grade some fellow students and I were told to change our bulletin board honoring our teachers.  We had written Thank God for our teachers, and our teacher had the difficult task of explaining to us why we needed to change it to Thank goodness for our teachers.

So on the afternoon of the Super Bowl, when most of my fellow Charlotteans are watching pre game coverage I find myself pondering these questions.  How do I connect more dots for my students?  How do I meet them where they are and lift them up and encourage them to reach for the impossible? How do I show them they matter, and they will make this world a better place?

My nephew's elementary school made a video to cheer our Panthers on to victory today.  My hope is that regardless of whether the trophy ends up in Charlotte or Denver, that all those involved use their success to get others even more excited about educating our children than they are about Super Bowl rings, half time shows, or funny tv commercials.  For me, sports give me encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing regardless of how discouraged I may get some days.  I want to remain determined to connect the dots so my students realize their full potential.  From this day forward, I think I will call myself Determined Dottie:)

Go Panthers!

Keep Dreaming, Ellen...

When I was in first grade I remember we made ceramic Christmas ornaments as a family.  I loved painting my Christmas tree ornament.  What I didn't know at the time was how much my parents were struggling financially.  I don't remember what I asked Santa for that year.  I do remember how much fun we had creating those family treasures.

Christmas is a time of reflection for me, and it can be difficult because of the losses I've experienced and the dreams I haven't realized yet.   Note I said yet.  

One tradition I started after my Mom passed away was I watch as many Hallmark Christmas movies as I can.  These happy predictable stories have helped me to stay positive and to deal with my grief.  They are exactly the kind of movies we would have enjoyed together on a Sunday afternoon.  When I'm watching these movies I am reminded of the time we spent enjoying each other's presence and the positive power of a happy ending.  I often joke that I don't need to watch reality tv because my life has enough reality in it already.  When I watch tv it's because I need a happy ending.  I need to be encouraged.  Hallmark movies remind me of how much my parents loved me and believed in me.  Some days I am better at staying positive than others.  Some days I wonder why I've achieved more of my professional dreams than my personal ones.  Some days I have more questions than answers.  

Christmas morning I was watching one of these Hallmark movies.  The female lead was talking to Santa about her future.  Santa told her she had all the answers already. The female lead told Santa that all she had so far were lots of questions.  When I heard this line I laughed.  Boy did I howl.  I could so relate to her questions, and in that moment I realized I was having a personal epiphany.

Teaching was not part of my childhood dreams.  When people ask me how I found out about the job I currently have I always reply that it is the best detour God ever put me on.  Every time I've started a job search, the job I have ended up getting was never even in the mix when I started.  When I was in college, I thought I would end up working in advertising or publishing.  I wanted to write.  Yet here I am in my eleventh year of teaching first grade, and I can't imagine not being connected to education.  It feels like my calling found me.  God had an even better dream for me than I ever could have imagined. I never know when He is going to surprise me.  

These personal dreams I haven't realized yet keep me connected to others, keep me actively learning, and keep me seeking.  If I had planned my career path based on my college goals and not listened to that still small voice, I would have missed out on the joy of watching young children discover their own gifts.  I would have missed out on the miracle of seeing a child read with understanding for the first time.  I would have missed out on watching the joy first graders create when they make stuff together.  Just as God had an even bigger dream for me professionally than I imagined,  of course He has an even bigger dream for me personally.  I struggle when I forget to listen for His counsel and when I mistakenly think I can plan everything.

This past summer God used one of my favorite Phillies, Justin De Fratus,  to remind me to put my personal dreams in perspective.  Not knowing my story, Justin suggested I read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.  This book helped me on so many levels.  It helped me to see myself the way God sees me.  As an educator I often make the mistake of dwelling on all the things I need to improve and forget to celebrate my gifts.  

We all need to choose to have a half full glass every day.

If I achieved every dream I would have no reason to seek God's counsel or read His Word.  My questions and dreams encourage me to discuss my faith with others.  My questions and dreams fuel my love of learning and make me a better teacher.  My questions and dreams draw me closer to God.  I'm good with having more questions than answers now.  My future is (and always has been) in His hands.

Keep dreaming, Ellen...

My Donny and Marie Christmas...

One of my most vivid Christmas memories is of the year I asked Santa for Donny and Marie's Make the World Go Away record.  I was so excited when I opened that package and saw my favorite singers smiling at me on the cover.  My joy was short lived when we put the record on my parent's stereo and discovered the elves had made an error.  Instead of putting Donny and Marie in the record cover, they had put in a recording by Lou Rawls.  I cried.  Boy did I cry.  Then amazingly, within a few days, the elves had fixed their error, and I was finally able to listen to my favorite singers.  I didn't find this funny at the time, but now it makes me smile.  I really should have told Donny Osmond this story years later when I met him after one of his concerts.  As I write this I am contemplating searching for Lou Rawls in my Prime Music library.  I have a feeling I have been missing out on some great music because of this experience:)

Christmas also reminds me of my Mom and her love of music.  She sang solos in church, and she loved being part of our church choir.  It was a big deal when we were old enough to sing with the grown ups on Christmas Eve.  Fred Waring made this amazing arrangement of O Holy Night.  When I close my eyes I see lots of candlelight reflecting off our maroon choir robes, and I can hear our part, my favorite part, "Noel, Noel."  To this day, O Holy Night is my favorite carol,  and the sound of it always brings me happy tears.  One of my Mom's last Christmases she surprised me with Fred Waring's recording of O Holy Night.  We both cried as we reflected on that cherished Christmas tradition.  

Now if I need to remember my Donny and Marie days I could turn to YouTube.  If I need to hear O Holy Night, I can put on my Fred Waring cd.  However, I prefer to close my eyes and remember how much my parents loved me, how fortunate I am to be called to teach and how blessed I am with wonderful friends.  

My prayer for all of my teacher friends is that this break recharges you, reminds you of your own Donny and Marie moments and that His perfect peace surrounds you.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Safe Places

Safe Places.  As I was driving to church this morning I was reflecting on where I feel the most safe.  Where can I truly be me?  Where can I go to recharge?  Where am I most comfortable sharing my gifts, and where can I acknowledge my brokenness?

For years I thought the answer to growing closer to God was a large church.  Attending a large church would offer me more opportunities to meet people and more opportunities to study the Bible and serve.  Last June God showed me that He wanted me to follow His lead, not mine.  His lead took me to a small church.  When my friends ask me to describe my church I say, "It's like a large small group.  They're my extended family.  It's my safe place."

Today's message reminded me of how much God knows my needs better than I do.  The text came from 1 Peter 2 and the big idea was "Don't let your circumstances cause you to forget Who rescued you."  Last week's big idea was "Hope does not deny the struggle but Hope gives you the ability to see beyond the struggle."  I can't stop thinking about how much these two messages apply to teaching.  Whether a student faces an academic or social challenge, my prayer is that my actions will reflect that Hope.  I pray daily that every activity, project, and assignment I give results in growth and progress for all of my students.  

This past May I went to Montreat, North Carolina, with some of the women from my church and our sister church.  When the opportunity to climb a mountain presented itself, I decided I wanted to try.  Even though I knew it would be hard with my asthma and allergies, I really wanted to share in this adventure with my friends.  Early in our hike I realized I was going to have a very difficult time keeping up with them.  Before I could even contemplate having a pity party for myself, these ladies made the decision to have me be first up the mountain.  They let me set the pace.  When I needed to catch my breath they all rested with me.  When I sat down on the top of Lookout Mountain I literally understood what "breath taking" means.  I was just as much in awe of the view as I was in awe of the people God placed in my life to make sure I got to the top.  God used these women to give me Hope that day.  They helped me to see beyond the mountain that at first seemed insurmountable.  They showed me how much I am loved by God.

My hope and prayer for this school year is that I encourage my first graders to do the same for each other.  I see a mountain climbing activity idea in our future:)

Put Your Bags Down, Ellen

Everywhere I went this past week, the one central theme seemed to be time.  We all needed more time.  More time to grade papers, more time to read with our students, more time to create with our students, more time with our families and friends, more time to rest, more time to help, more time to grow, more time to do.  I knew my schedule was going to be even more packed than usual, but I tried to approach it in pieces.  As the week progressed I felt like my teaching bags were getting heavier despite the amount of time I was working after school.

I like to think I am continually growing as an educator, but I questioned myself a lot this week about my time management.  How do I get better at managing my time?  Not my students' time, but my time.

The answer I got after praying and contemplating was two fold.  Listen More was the first part.  I had the privilege of helping another teacher get started on Twitter over dinner this week.  For the first time in over ten years of teaching with her, I began to understand the challenges she faces. Despite having limited free time and a very long to do list, she chose to make time to learn something new.  In the hour we spent together I developed a new appreciation for her strength and her faith. This conversation never would have taken place at school.  As a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a friend, she knows she has been richly blessed.  Her struggles don't discount her blessings.  Her priorities showed me that I had forgotten making time for people should always be first on my schedule.  I gained more from my hour with her then any of the time I spent grading, planning or organizing this week.

As teachers, I think it's easy to lose sight of our relationships when our tasks seem to multiply so rapidly.  Technology can help with those tasks, but it can't reaffirm you when you're discouraged, hug you when you're exhausted, or congratulate you when you've reached a goal or solved a problem.

I finished reading one of the most rewarding and challenging education books I have ever read this week. It took me almost a year of picking it up and putting it down to really dig into this book and it's powerful message.  During the course of reading it I had to admit I needed help in understanding it. My struggle to understand gave me empathy for my students who find everything they read a challenge.  I was fortunate to have help from the teacher who wrote it, and the short time he spent with me on the phone greatly increased my understanding of the material.  He took the time to listen to my questions and patiently explained his message.  He set aside his to do list to help me.

Most people I know would ask me why it was so important to me to finish something I was struggling to read.  My mom used to tease me that I thought of books as friends, and I saw finishing them as my way of nourishing that friendship.  Many friends will joke with me when visiting my apartment that I live in a library.  Even though I struggled with some of the educational language and terminology in this book, I could tell from the beginning I was going to be a better teacher when I completed it.  The closer I got to the end the more excited I became. If I hadn't made the time to struggle and grow I would have missed out on this book's amazing message.

At this point, you are probably wondering what the title of the book is.  I am saving that for another blog post:)

Now to the second part of my answer.  Last night I was blessed by another friend making time to listen.  She constantly reminds me to be me, and let go of all the extra stuff.  She reminds me of the truth of the Serenity Prayer.  "Focus on what you CAN DO, Ellen.  Let go of the rest."  I paraphrased letting go as putting my bags down. "Put your bags down, Ellen."

Tonight, I am putting my bags down.  I'm letting go of every challenge and concern and choosing to rest.  I am enjoying listening to my Phillies play the Nationals, and tomorrow morning I will enjoy watching a couple former students play soccer before I go swim.

 I leave you with two things.  One of my all time favorite Bible verses...

and one of my favorite songs...

My prayer for all of you is that you find more time to put down your bags.

Listen to the Music, Ellen...

It all started with a song.  My affection for Canada geese is the fault of two friends from Montana who make musical masterpieces.

When I first heard Chris Cunningham and Johnny Hermanson sing Steady On, I knew I was experiencing something special.  I knew I would always remember this song.  For me this song paints a breathtaking portrait.  Their description of Canada geese speaks to the teacher in me.  Every time I see a gaggle, I hear this song in my head.  I stare in awe.  I stop every time I see geese regardless of what I am doing or where I am heading. My destination takes a back seat to my journey when I hear their honking.

Some of my friends don't understand my fascination with geese.  They only see the mess geese create.  They don't see the beauty of teamwork or hear the music of collaboration I experience every time I see that uppercase V glide across the sky.  

Every May new families of geese spend time at our school.  I always seem to run into these family processions at just the right time.  Those moments when I need to be reminded that I'm not alone, that I'm part of a team, and that it's all about the children I teach and not about the to do list I'm reviewing in my head.  This year I have been blessed with geese encounters well into our new school year.

It's not lost on me that my first graders constantly remind me of the beauty and strength of that V formation.  They are my gaggle.  They give me strength every day to keep flying and remind me to stop and stare in awe.  My first graders remind me daily to make time to dance.  They remind me to make time to listen to the music.  My first graders remind me of the importance of our journey.  My first graders remind me daily to be grateful to our Creator.

How did I spend my Labor Day?  Listening to my niece and nephew make music:)

Do yourself a favor and search Storyhill on YouTube.  Chris and Johnny have many more musical treasures there just waiting for you to discover them.

The Night Before the First Day of School

My to do list used to be the thing I feared most in August.  I used to worry about forgetting all sorts of minute details.  This year I'm not super focused on those details.  This year is remarkably different.

I have never felt this much peace before the start of a school year.

Tonight as I reflect on my previous school year, I know my PLN (Professional Learning Network) is a big reason why I feel such peace.  They helped me rise to challenges, and they gave my students the opportunity to connect globally.  Most of these educators I have never met, but they know me well.  They know I want to continue to have a more student led classroom.   They know I want to help each student learn at his or her own pace.  They know I have a big heart and a passion for reaching every student.  They know I want my students to love learning, to explore their passions, and to develop their gifts.  They know I want my students to be good listeners and to continue to be globally connected.  Most importantly, they know I want my students to have fun in school.

Every day I seem to encounter a new concept or idea thanks to my PLN.  When I don't understand that idea my PLN points me to resources that will deepen my understanding of that concept.  Podcasts weren't part of my life last summer, and now they are part of my daily routine.  The number of books on my Kindle app has multiplied rapidly since last summer because of my PLN's recommendations.  My PLN has helped me rediscover my love of learning.  My PLN has taught me to trust my students.

What did I learn from my students last year?

My students taught me to listen, to really listen.  They also taught me to let go.  When I let go of the idea that I had to set the pace for every activity we did, my students created masterpieces.  My students learned to listen and to collaborate while building with Legos.  My students learned to trust their imagination while they wrote their secret missions. They showed me they were capable of so much more than I envisioned.  They showed me possibilities I never pictured while writing my lesson plans.

I am excited to see what seeds this year's class will plant to help me grow as an educator.  

If you haven't figured out what my second one little word for 2015 is, it's LISTEN.  If I continue to focus on improving my listening skills, I will continue to grow as a teacher.  I will continue to grow as a lead learner.

Special thanks to my Twitter friends @ShiftParadigm and @Ranal55 for their photographic inspiration.  Their efforts show me the infinite positive possibilities created by simple acts of kindness.